I feel sad. I feel like shit, really. I’m going to miss the band. But strangely enough, I also feel liberated. I feel liberated from his childishness. I feel liberated from his lack of foresight. I feel liberated from his baseless assumptions. I feel liberated from his hypocrisy. Most importantly, I feel liberated from his lack of creativity, and his disapproval of our creativity. I feel liberated from him.
Somehow, I feel that I am finally allowed to explore my creativity, without the burden of his disapproval. I can finally explore the instruments and sounds that I could never have explored while being in the band. It feels as though the chains have been broken.
You see, that’s the irony. That was his pitch to me when I joined. It was also the band’s motto. “Break your chains of burdens and worries, and come take flight with us.” The motto that he himself is so proud of, but cannot remember half the time. Despite this motto, all I’ve felt was burdens and worries. Maybe the purpose of me joining the band was so that I can have a good feel of what it is like to be chained by burdens and worries, and to have the chains broken after.
No matter how much I have wanted to share my insanity and creativity and ideas with the band, I could never, and it seems like I will never be able to anymore. This is simply because he is not going to admit to his mistakes. He will never want to change. No matter how much I hope he will, it will never happen.
Take a step back, and give him a chance, you say? I have been doing so for as long as I was in the band. After awhile, I have realized that if I was always going to give in, he is not going to change anyway.
So what now? I don’t know. I’m going to wait for the bassist to come back to pour my sorrows to him. If he is willing to listen. After that, I’ll see where the wind of life will take my sails.