I can only deliver when I’m not expected to

Odd eh? But it’s true. When I’m not expected to deliver, I feel no restraint, and will put my best into whatever I’m trying to do, because I’m fighting for myself. To see how far I can push myself, without the stress of external expectations. It becomes a game, to see how ridiculously I can overdo something. And usually I surpass ‘expectations’ that I did not know about, which were in the minds of others but not told to me, usually by quite a bit.

On the other hand, when I am expected of something, I usually don’t, or can’t deliver. Firstly there’s the stress of the what-ifs. What if I fall below expectations? What if I fail? What if I don’t like to do it? And on top of that, when someone expects something from me, it is usually way beyond my capabilities, sometimes unknowing to them, and sometimes on purpose like my dad. Even if I do meet the expectation, the answer is almost always “Oh ok, thanks. Can you do this next?”

That being said, we’re all guilty of expecting things from others. Myself included. Reflecting about this, sometimes it’s because I don’t want to sit around waiting. Of course I do proceed on my own but in some instances, I can’t walk too far off or else I will be leaving the person behind already. It is also to point the person in the right direction, but who knows if the person has something great in mind that he is already brewing, and I totally came along and just stomped all over it?

How can a balance be struck in these situations? A worthy reflection indeed.

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