Blessing in disguise?

November 19, 2009

To bring everyone up to speed, I got re-deployed to Marine Parade Library as a permanent fixture. I used to be roving around the libraries providing IT support. I had a complaint post about it before, but now I think it is a blessing in disguise.

I liked roving, I get to move around, meet people, and time passed faster. It was fun. Maybe too fun.

I got comfortable with it; I woke up, zoomed through the day, reached home tired, read my RSS and Facebook feeds and went to sleep. Repeated the same thing again, till the weekend came and went.

Yes it is great to have a job like that, and it pays the bills, but now I realise, it took away my drive to want greater things in life. I barely practiced on my guitar, and I did not think much about my future. I had this thought, however bad, that my band will take off someday, and meanwhile I can just zoom through the days and earn money. That wasn’t a very good mindset.

Now that I am at Marine Parade, my day CRAWLS. I finish reading my RSS and Facebook feeds at work. I am sick and tired of this job. I have so much time my mind runs. And that, is a good thing.

I started wanting my dream again, being a musician and all. And wanting it BADLY. How much I want to get the fuck out of here, write songs and play gigs every day. When I am home, I play my guitar much more, because I know that I need to get better, and I want to get better, so my band and I can break out of this mundane life and do what we really want to do. I have been doing recordings at home, be it to expand on the ideas my band leader comes up with so he can expand on them even further, or tearing songs apart and analysing how he can sing it better, or just simply trying to nail the mistakes I always make in the songs we already play. It also helps with learning how to work with a DAW, although I’m using a super stripped down one (GarageBand). Having read through all my feeds help a lot, as there is no more distraction.

Now to clarify, I don’t prioritise reading over the guitar. It’s just a very bad addiction. This change in my life helped me ‘solve’ the addiction by shifting it to another time slot. Not too shabby. It’s still good to be well read anyway.

Sometimes I wonder if the people in control of my work life actually planned for this, or was it unexpected for them as well. They do know I am into music, to a certain extent. Silly conspiracy theories I always come up with, sheesh.

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Sometimes there is no need to be right, you just got to say what the other guy wants to hear.

November 14, 2009

No it’s not about being spineless, I see it as a form of manipulation. By saying what the other guy wants to hear, the end result might be what you want, be it rapport, a favour, or just for the guy to shut up.

Rather than fighting to be the one that is right, in which the only thing you gain is an ego boost, and troubles in the future.

I exercise this a lot at work to get by, but I do not do this with my friends, unless someone is being really annoying. It is very tiring and I’d rather be letting off steam while being with good company.

Random Philosophy

November 14, 2009

I’m starting a new category to input random philosophy that hits my head every once in awhile (too often to be ignored). They may be right, may be wrong, may make sense, may not.. They are results of my own reflection, and I just thought of archiving them. Maybe they can be used for a song or something useful one day..

They will be mainly just one-liners. Like Confucius said, but by me.

Is philosophy even the right word?

I AM FUMING.

November 9, 2009

As you might or might not know, my band BalloonWings didn’t get into PBO, a J-Rock gig, for a simple reason:

Our singer sits down.

Well again if you didn’t know, our singer is also our drummer. So OB-FUCKING-VIOUSLY he needs to sit down.

According to the dear organiser, apparently this isn’t entertaining enough. Why? Cos it is more entertaining to have a frontman. So, he gave us an ultimatum. Have our guest singer (who is only singing one song) sing ALL our songs or we don’t get to play. We declined.

FYI, the organiser of the event, is the ex-frontman of ethe’real, which was a runner up from SuperBand.

Look what I found.

Does this look remotely entertaining to you? For FUCK‘s sake, at least our singer is making himself useful by playing the drums. What the fuck is this guy doing? He only knows how to camp at the fucking mic stand and shake. And I’m not even going to start to comment about the rest of the band.

I rest my case.

Yes, what are we fighting for?

October 15, 2009

i’ve forgotten what i’m fighting for.

This post by Jason struck a chord with me, and I realised I was in a similar predicament as he is in, although for a much shorter period time.

I’ve been hard at work, as most of you would know (from my lack of blog posts, hopefully), and I’ve been enjoying it so far. Until yesterday..

Maybe I work too hard, maybe I overshadow my RO (reporting officer), maybe I seem like a threat to him. But after what he said to me yesterday, it really made me think: why do I work so hard?

Just to summarise, I might be posted to a faraway place that I do not need to move around much, handling a bunch of potentially troublesome people. YK, always up for a challenge, shouldn’t be a problem right? Yeah, but it’s the reason behind it that is disturbing.

Alright, the general reason is my friend and colleague there isn’t performing too good, and I’m to swap positions with him, but the main reason why I was going there, was not only to keep my colleague in the team, but to also utilise my ‘fullest potential‘ over there. I don’t see any potential there, honestly, except the potential for work to snowball and kill myself the same way it has killed my colleague.

Recently I took on a project, “just spent 3 days designing and writing a shortcut that’ll complete a task in 1.5hrs“, remember? RO didn’t express displeasure directly, but he seems to be unhappy with the extra work that I put in. After all, it was his baby, and I came in and bwahaha overhauled everything. He kept mentioning things like: “you’re doing more than you’re expected to” and “you can make this faraway place your own playground”. To me, it really sounded like “hey don’t touch my things, go make your own”

And he said things like “don’t ask for perm before performing” and “do the tasks you are assigned first”, of course in direct contradiction to what he said earlier that I am over-performing. And to set things straight, I didn’t ask to be converted, I just asked whether I could be converted (perm = permanent staff, I am on contract) because the both of us were into minis and we were figuring out how we could afford them.

But anyway, I guess Jem was right after all. Why the fuck do I try so hard, srsly.

Fuck this shit, just give me my beer and my guitar.

Separating geekery from humanism

September 3, 2009

Ok that sounded totally retarded.

Anyways, Geoff, Jem and I have created a tech blog to post our tech musings, please visit us at http://tehloft.wordpress.com

Now, you have three times as much geekery at a single place. And this blog will be more about my own personal non-tech musings. More human stuff.

Please subscribe to our RSS!

Happy Birthday Bee Chan!!

September 1, 2009

Happy 24th birthday bee!! Although it was a simple celebration, I hope you had fun!!

I’m so glad you liked the present I got for you!! :p

Safari on SL is snappy, snaps your fingers like 3GS

August 31, 2009

Safari is snappy, real snappy. I like it. Tab switching, navigation, launching of RSS feeds all happen as soon as I execute the command to, just like how it is on the 3GS. A pretty good speed bump I must say.

And best of all, it has nothing to do with 64-bit. I’m running my Safari at 32-bit for all my 3rd party plugins to work.

Must be GDC, OpenCL and the other what-nots at work.

WiFi icon on Snow Leopard setup

August 31, 2009

I’ve just noticed that the Snow Leopard setup shows the WiFi icon on the menu bar. Then I thought, since I can have WiFi, why not just include Safari in the setup? Maybe even Mail, and iTunes, so at least I can entertain myself while waiting for the damned thing to finish.

What the flip, white cat

August 30, 2009

Seriously, what the flip. Being the first Mac OS to be “fully 64-bit”, and the best feature should be its 64-bit support. However, 64-bit has been a disappointment so far, for me at least.

It is confusing. At one look, I have no idea whether a program is running at 32-bit or 64-bit, and if I should even bother. 32-bit apps work, but 32-bit addons don’t run on 64-bit apps. My add-ons for Safari stopped working, and the only way to get them to work again is to run Safari in 32-bit. Simple things like 32-bit screen savers totally stop working. The kernel has to run at 32-bit for legacy 32-bit drivers or every damn peripheral made by someone other than Apple will stop working.

This makes Snow Leopard not any more 64-bit than Leopard was. The only difference is that the system apps are 64-bit. Not even the iLife apps are 64-bit. And yet, there are much more compatibility issues compared to the transistions of PPC to Intel, or Tiger to Leopard.

I am only falling in love with Snow Leopard for the new Dock Expose, the more responsive Finder, and its more finished look. Other than that, the so-called underlying improvements have been a bag of hurt so far.