Archive for October, 2009

Yes, what are we fighting for?

October 15, 2009

i’ve forgotten what i’m fighting for.

This post by Jason struck a chord with me, and I realised I was in a similar predicament as he is in, although for a much shorter period time.

I’ve been hard at work, as most of you would know (from my lack of blog posts, hopefully), and I’ve been enjoying it so far. Until yesterday..

Maybe I work too hard, maybe I overshadow my RO (reporting officer), maybe I seem like a threat to him. But after what he said to me yesterday, it really made me think: why do I work so hard?

Just to summarise, I might be posted to a faraway place that I do not need to move around much, handling a bunch of potentially troublesome people. YK, always up for a challenge, shouldn’t be a problem right? Yeah, but it’s the reason behind it that is disturbing.

Alright, the general reason is my friend and colleague there isn’t performing too good, and I’m to swap positions with him, but the main reason why I was going there, was not only to keep my colleague in the team, but to also utilise my ‘fullest potential‘ over there. I don’t see any potential there, honestly, except the potential for work to snowball and kill myself the same way it has killed my colleague.

Recently I took on a project, “just spent 3 days designing and writing a shortcut that’ll complete a task in 1.5hrs“, remember? RO didn’t express displeasure directly, but he seems to be unhappy with the extra work that I put in. After all, it was his baby, and I came in and bwahaha overhauled everything. He kept mentioning things like: “you’re doing more than you’re expected to” and “you can make this faraway place your own playground”. To me, it really sounded like “hey don’t touch my things, go make your own”

And he said things like “don’t ask for perm before performing” and “do the tasks you are assigned first”, of course in direct contradiction to what he said earlier that I am over-performing. And to set things straight, I didn’t ask to be converted, I just asked whether I could be converted (perm = permanent staff, I am on contract) because the both of us were into minis and we were figuring out how we could afford them.

But anyway, I guess Jem was right after all. Why the fuck do I try so hard, srsly.

Fuck this shit, just give me my beer and my guitar.