Archive for April, 2007

Hey me

April 29, 2007

Hey, it’s alright man. I understand. But hey, you know i’ll always be here. Unless i die la. When you are ready, in the distant future, i hope you will give me a chance. I hope it’s not too much to ask for.

“Love is always patient and kind.”

And once again i believe i am entitled to my own opinions, more so on my own blog. I’m not even pushing my opinion to other people or to tagboards of others’ blogs. And also, you might understand what is going on between them, but do you understand what i think and feel? Guess not.

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Ever wondered how great it would be to be able to turn back time?

April 29, 2007

I know it’s impossible, and too perfect a life with this ability will probably ruin it, as life is always about ups and downs, but if ever, a person, or me, could turn back time and just change one thing. Something i should or should not have done. What will things be like now?

We all know turning back time is impossible. Since that is the case, is there something i can do now such that the result would be the same, or similar, as if i could change the past? Sometimes i can’t help but regret. But regretting won’t change anything.

That being said. People who give you up are weakshit fuckass morons with dickheads for brains. They just don’t see how special you are. They don’t see how much they mean to you, and in that, you are special.

So much so that you spend a whole day in town racking your brains on what to get him, being so happy and optimistic about how he will accept your gift. And that he couldn’t be bothered about it the moment he saw it and would rather care more about himself, completely trashing you, breaking you. And you still forgo all the evil he has done to you, and you still want him back.

Now i realise what how it was like when you bought or made gifts for me, how much effort and hope you put in each and every one of them, how much you just wanted to see me happy. And how i would brush them aside without much thought. How much pain i used to cause you. And that you still stuck with me all the way, through all the shit i put you through. “Love is not resentful.” Till one day i thought you would be better off with someone else, someone that would appreciate you, treat you better, but this person, you could not love.

I want to make it up to you. Go back to the life before. Before all the shit happened. With a me from now. I know i’m not special to you anymore. I was once, i was still for a while, but not anymore. I blew it. I know. I was dumb, blind and deaf. All I ask for now is one chance. The same chance you are asking from him. I’ve always wanted you back. I just didn’t know how. I probably still don’t. I’ve said mean words once, ok maybe FUCKING mean words, but fuck, if i seriously meant any of it, i won’t be doing any of this now.

1 chance. Let me prove it to you.

To sum it up

April 27, 2007

Impatient, lazy, take things for granted, take advantage, stubborn, bad tempered.

April 10, 2007

Ok la maybe i was too pissed that day to have posted that. I will support my parents, cos they brought me up. But i still hate having to do and get everything the hard way. They say you will appreciate it more if you have to work hard for things and get them the hard way but seriously, everytime i work hard for something, i feel like shit after, cos i’ve wasted too much of time on it and there is still more beyond that and i’m too tired to continue. I mean things within means that you can give, give la. Then let me work on other things that you can’t give. Rather than you have but don’t want to give, then i go find out myself, go work for it myself, and i will be too bogged and tired to bother about anything else. I’m not the kind of person that takes things for granted. I like to take what there is, work on it and improve, and not work from ground up all over and get to the same level as everyone else.

Is it just me or do parents have this sick fetish of dashing their kids’ dreams?

April 3, 2007

Take me for example. My dad has never been supportive of me wanting to be a musician. He wants me to get a degree, get a job, bla bla bla. I’m not interested. Never mind about that. Then I wanted a studio at home where my band can jam. My parents promised me a room for me to jam in but after the house was renovated, all was forgotten. I had to painstakingly remind them that they really did promise me and I wasn’t pulling anything out of thin air. Never mind. Then came the floor. After the floor was sanded, my dad told me, “If I see a scratch on the floor, no more jamming at home, and you move ALL the equipment out.” So, now your fucking floor is more important than your son’s future as a musician. Great. Then just yesterday, my dad said, “No more jamming at home. The neighbours are complaining.” Just like that. After spending all our money and time on the studio my dad can just push it all aside with a “the neighbours are complaining”. He didn’t even give me an alternative. He just doused the fire. I had to churn my head for solutions like considering renting factory space or something to set up a studio. Then I asked my mom a question, if the band needed a sum of money, for startup, or whatever, would she help, and all she said was, “See how first. If your proposal is attractive I may help you.” I dunno la, but if i have a kid in the future and he needs any help for whatever endeavor, i will definitely do my best and help him as much as i can.

I suddenly feel so unloved. I think i’m born suay. Looks like i got do everything the hard way. But rest assured if i ever get rich in the future on my own steam my parents are not getting any of it. Simply because they refused to help.