Archive for January, 2010


January 11, 2010

I am brimming with ideas, with things I want to do, things that will make life better and more interesting, but nobody is online to discuss them, or nobody is interested to discuss them.

That’s the problem with me. I am too reliant on team work. I am too firm a believer that team work is the only way one can be successful at doing something, or to get something done. BUT, I don’t have the patience. During idle periods, I will start to think that my ‘team’ is getting disinterested, and that they don’t have the same drive as me to succeed.

In the first place, maybe I am too reliant on others. Am I too lazy? Or do I have a mindset problem? Is it because I am believing that I need to rely on others to make up for my own flaws?

I can never imagine getting something done alone, by myself, on my own steam. I am actually afraid. Although logically it should be easier to succeed because I won’t need to be held back by the shortfalls of others. Even with this logic, I still can’t put myself to doing something alone. To follow through all the way, to fight for myself.

Then again it always seems more fulfilling to fight for ‘Us’ than to fight for ‘Me’. The comrade, the dreams, the hopes. Till the shit hits the fan, of course. Then it just becomes ‘Us’ fighting.

I hope this is just a passing phase.

Or maybe I’m just impatient.

But that does not answer my reliance on others.

EDIT: Found this, very interesting. A bunch of smart people discussing about how to deal with unreliable people. A discussion you won’t be able to find in Singapore. General consensus is to distance away from them. But there are also some thoughts on how to work with them. Food for thought indeed.

After much thinking, I realised all these was because I took things too seriously. I take everything too seriously. Maybe I need to loosen up a little (a lot).

Good things can only happen when one is having fun, not when everything’s grim and serious, right?

I’m the mother of all contradictions, I swear.