massive thoughts

I’ve been thinking, or maybe have been troubled, for some time now. Some of you might know what predicament I’m in, maybe most. If you don’t, it’s about this:

I’ve got myself into this shit by wanting to do too many things at one time. But I can’t help it when none of them are moving, I can’t just sit and wait. I’ve been looking for a job, applying for school, looking for a serious band, and starting a business with my friends.
So the thing now is, none of them are moving along. And I’m becoming irritated. Maybe because I haven’t been giving my fullest attention on any one of the above, choosing to spread my focus among all 4 and hoping that at least one will be successful. Maybe because I’m greedy. Maybe because I’m undecided. I don’t know.
Out of the four, 2 of them are putting up a tough fight now, getting a job, and the business. I can’t put my fullest attention into looking for a job because of the business, and I can’t put my fullest attention on the business because I’m looking for a job. It’s shitty. It’s a fucking shitty cycle. And I can’t make up my mind to focus on one.
One thing, I’ve always wanted to do what I’m going to do for my business. It’s a good potential source of income, but I definitely won’t be making much, or any, till much later. I need to eat, I need to buy things, I need money. That’s why I want to get a job. So I can get instant monthly income. It’s not what I like, but I do get paid. But if I do this, I will barely have time for the business, not to mention the other 2 things in my life as well, band and music studies.
But I need the money. Or want? I don’t know. There’s a saying that there must be sacrifice to get what you want. And I believe sacrifice will definitely come with suffering. But you see, I don’t mind the suffering, but I just don’t want the people around me to suffer with me as well. Leila, for having to pay for my meals all the time. My parents, for having to pay for my living expenditures and having to tell their friends and colleagues that their son is useless and jobless.
And on top of that, to put it in an even more twisted way, I’ve got to sacrifice getting a job for the business, or sacrifice the business and musical passion, to get a job.
That’s the question. In life, you can’t have both.

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