Sigh..

Once again, the weekend is over. I wouldn’t say it was fruitful, but I wouldn’t say I wasted my time either.

Met up with jason, wan and seok on sat, and sebas today. Had a little fun, but I didn’t enjoy fully cos I was troubled. I hate to enjoy when I’m troubled.

All I know, is that when I go back to office tomorrow, I’ll probably be dead.

Lets just say I didn’t work today (sunday). Why? Cos kena fly aeroplane/kite/bird/lanjiao. So I stayed home most the time, and went out for dinner and drumming with sebas in the evening. I miss having a car to use for the weekend. I feel so lost without one. I can’t work properly, and travelling is retarded (slow).

I could have driven to office today to find work to do, but fuck, no car. By the time I travelled there basically can go home already. And it’s like so far, fucking hell every day I travel there sunday also want me to go there.

And for saturday, also kena fly aeroplane. Cb, I went all the down do BB and waited, called the fella, never pick up, sms, no reply. And I fucking SLEPT under the void deck for almost 1 1/2 hours. Nobody pitied me. But I can’t blame anyone, cos everyone has problems of their own too.

I’ll just face the music tomorrow. That’s going to be my mentality from now. Enjoy my weekend, face the music later. Later things later settle. Even if I work up to standard, I don’t enjoy any form of rest or off. KNNCCB STA&& L** CH%% BO## will always find ways to give me MORE things to do on top of the things I already have to do, taking away any reason whatsoever to ask for time off, because I have not completed any of them, and I have no fucking intention to do so, because he will give me even more things to do after I have completed them. When everybody leaves at 12 or 430, I stay till 6. Work well for september and I will consider giving you your ‘privileges’, he said. Fucking october going to end already and I still book out at 6.

Privileges are basically 1/2 day offs and early book outs for hitting the target on weekends. I hit target also don’t get rest, so I fucking hit for what? I might as well don’t work.

My off should never be considered privileges loh. Fucking work on saturday and sunday, I should be ENTITLED off. Now do you guys know how fucked up my life is?

Talking about life, I realised that I have lost all meaning in life. Some time back, the meaning to life was my band. There were weekends to look forward to. Now that it’s falling apart, there’s no meaning anymore. There’s nothing to look forward to, no more jamming whatsoever. I dread weekends now. And my dear bro fi is happily saying that he’s still on vacation from guitar. Dear fi, whatever you are doing to yourself, affects others too. Please think about it. The world is not just about you. Taking yourself out of an equation doesn’t solve anything, it just makes things worse. Your break from guitar makes me want to kill myself. The only reason I don’t is for my mom and dad. Think about it. We’ve been caring a lot for you, don’t you think you should care about us too?

I’m just waiting to get into trouble so I don’t have to work at this shit place anymore. I’d rather be a storeman or a clerk than be a dog of SB. To my dear staffs and sirs, fuck me, and us up all you want, but at the end of the day, it just shows how much you don’t care. You can want the world, but nothing will happen if you don’t have the 7th core value: Care for soldiers. You have been the worst commanders I’ve ever encountered in my whole life in NS. For all the PCs I’ve been with, from BMT to SISPEC to SPEC 2, they all cared, in some way or another. They’ve put their soldiers before themselves. You put yourself before the soldiers. All of you, selfish bastards. Blame us all you want, but if the upper heirachy is fucked, so will be the men.

I actually wanted to have a short post but it ended up being so long. Mich was saying that they are all very long. But I hope they are entertaining.

Reflect, all of you, on how good your life is now. To all those I work with on weekends, please, don’t make my life miserable. I just want to stay alive.

Try this on, straightjacket feeling
So maybe I won’t be alone

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